Terrible Mistake

Let's get a little sentimental today and talk about one of my past memory... a story I never dare to ever mention because up till today, I still feel guilty and filled with regrets.

I once made a terrible mistake, and this mistake caused me to lose a very close friend. And I was only 8 years of age then.... Now, every time I saw her in photos, I am filled with regrets.. nothing but regrets and my heart still aches...

It was my 2nd year in primary school and it was one of the rare years where I actually have friends...a group of real friends. In this group of close friends that I have, there was this one particular girl who was really kind and nice and she was the closest with me... let's name her "A", and every time when she sees me alone, she never leaves me by myself, she would always accompany me. And as time passes, and because she was so nice and popular that everyone wants to be around her, every time she comes to keep me company, the rest of the friends would stick around too. It went to a point where I started feeling so comfortable with them being so nice and spoiling me, I started testing the friendship, I started asking for ridiculous things as I know they would somehow give in to me.

And that's how I ruined everything...

I remember this happened right after our last paper of our final year exam. During exams, this girl sitting in front of me have this pink cute hello kitty file and I really like it cause it looked cool. So right after the exams ended, I told my group of friends that I really wanted that file and I have plans to take it from her bag without her knowing, in other words, steal it from the girl. "A" then tried to persuade me out of it telling me that it's not right and we shouldn't do it... if we get caught, I will get punished. But me being stubborn, and knowing that they always give in to me and let me do the things I want, I insisted I must get that file and I started crying. And guess what? they gave in and I got that file during break,

However, the scary part comes in. After break, the girl found out that she lost the file and she immediately reports it to the teacher. I was at my sit, getting all nervous and trying to pretend that I have nothing to do with it. But I got all tensed when my friends told me to just admit and confess that it was me. I told them in an angry tone no..I'm not going to do it. And after long persistence of not giving in, one of the girls in my group couldn't take it anymore and she stood up and told the teacher what happened. I was called out right in front of the class and being reprimanded. I was even being beaten by my teacher with the whole class staring. I was being humiliated and was crying so hard. After that, I apologised and returned to my seat. The girl was so angry that she said that she's not going to forgive me and she will get her mom to change her to another school... at that point I was crying so hard with regrets and of course, pain physically and mentally, "A" was by my side consoling me and telling me it's okay, it's over... And when my the other friend who told on me said that I asked for it, "A" scolded her and tell her that it's enough, that I have got my punishment already and passes me some tissue.. At the time, I was really touched and I really felt grateful that I had a friend like "A", I told her I will never do it again and I thanked her for being there for me.

However, a few days passed and "A" suddenly came up to us and told us that she will be leaving and she's going to another school because she is moving house. When I heard that news, I was crushed. I can't help but think that it must have been because of me and what happened that caused her to have to move to another school to stay away from me. I'm sure no parents would want their kids to be with some naughty spoilt kids like me. And after she left, the friends around me started leaving me and my friends were all gone over a night. And then I was all alone.

I hated that feeling ...of being alone.

So I started turning to food as comfort.. and in less than a year, I gained weight like never before. I put on so much weight that I started losing confidence in myself and I even started getting used to being alone. So most of the time I was alone..until I started to make friends in primary three...

Well back to the story, so when I was in Secondary school, on my first day, I made a friend, let's name her "B" who is my Best Friend. And because of my "B", I met "A" again after so many years. Apparently, "A" moved to "B"'s school and they became best friends. When I first met her, I couldn't look her in the eye or even have the courage to talk to her. And I knew this was it, it's going to be like that for the rest of the times when I bump into her or see her again.

But recently, I felt that I needed to apologise to her, in order for me to move on. But I don't know how...

Maybe I just need to find the right timing.

But I know, that is one lesson in my life that I will never forget.. the one that is strongly carved into my heart, the one that will make me remember never to make such mistakes ever again.

I always tell people around me that I never live my life with regrets and when asked, I always say. have no regrets in life. But to be honest, my lost friendship with her was the very one thing I regret in my life and because of this regret, I told myself I will live my life with regrets ever again. I may seem impulsive, but honestly, when I do things, I always think about it for a very long time, sometimes months before I come to a decision.

Therefore, to end this off, let me give you a quote that I live with.

"If your time ends the next minute, what will you do so that you leave this world with no regrets?"

I live by it to remind myself that I shall never do things that I will regret and I will do things which I will never forget even after I've left.

Till next time.

じゃね！

Signing off!

MakoVenus💋